Girl Problems - C++ Forum

I'm having a slight moral crisis crisis right now... You see, I have been in a steady (albeit long distance) relationship with my current girlfriend for several months now, but I'm not sure that maintaining a long distance relationship right now is a good idea for either of us. We live 6 hours apart and don't see each other too much, and it hurts being apart like this. We both feel very strongly towards one another and we talk to each other several hours a day, but its just not the same as being with someone in person. I met this girl locally, and I kinda like her. With summer coming up so fast, I know its now or never to make my move, but I don't know if breaking up with my current girlfriend for the local girl is what I want. At the moment, being separate from my current girlfriend... well I can't even imagine it, but I want to be able to be with a girl in person, which I can't do with my current girlfriend. I have known my current girl for just over a year, and the new one for a few months. Given the information, what would you suggest I do?

Duoas (8826)

I think that having the question indicates that perhaps you are not as serious about the current girlfriend as you would like to think. Save her the heartache and tell her.

firedraco (6031)

I think that having the question indicates that perhaps you are not as serious about the current girlfriend as you would like to think. Save her the heartache and tell her.

Yeah...I gotta agree here.

And also, I wouldn't be surprised if your current girlfriend thinks you are a **** for doing this.

NGen (689)

I wonder if you're more afraid of hurting her than you are of being without her? If this is the case, then I think dragging it on would only make it worse.

Catfish (666)

Given the information, what would you suggest I do?

Girlfriend which_one()
{
    Girlfriend keeper;

    for (std::list<Girlfriend>::const_iterator it = gf.begin(); it != gf.end(); ++it)
        if ((*it).is_loved() && (*it).loves_me())
            if (keeper.distance() > (*it).distance())
                keeper = *it;

    return keeper;
}

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shadow123 (127)

Do you have no friends? o.O
I think it's better for you to speak with a good friend about something like that instead of a discussion with strange guys on the internet ...

hanst99 (2869)

I'm not strange, I'm special.

shadow123 (127)

I'm not strange, I'm special.

Sorry, I did not meant to offend someone ;o)

Catfish (666)

I'm not strange, I'm special.

You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

opiop65 (43)

I'm not strange, I'm special.
You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Wow... that was harsh haha

Disch (12939)

I take it opiop65 has never seen Fight Club.

CodeMonkey (661)

Shh ... Don't forget the first rule.

closed account (zb0S216C)

You have two lasses? Legend :)

Long distance relationships are tough, especially if transport is restricted. If your feel that the relationship is too strained, talk to your distance lass and see the relationship from her perspective. If she, too, feels the same, then it's time to end the relationship. Since summer is approaching, she'll probably be inclined to date (if you want to call it that) others lads more closer to her.

The fact is, juggling two lasses like a legend is bound to balls up in the end. Make your choice. Who do you feel more attracted to in terms of personality (unless you're shallow)?

^Wazzak

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ModShop (1049)

shadow123 wrote:
Do you have no friends? o.O I think it's better for you to speak with a good friend about something like that instead of a discussion with strange guys on the internet ...

Haha, I have been asking EVERYONE for advice, friends and strangers. I want to get as many opinions as possible.

Duoas wrote:
I think that having the question indicates that perhaps you are not as serious about the current girlfriend as you would like to think. Save her the heartache and tell her.

Perhaps you're right, although I do believe that I am very serious about this, I'm just not so sure about this whole long distance thing... It really sucks!

NGen wrote:
I wonder if you're more afraid of hurting her than you are of being without her? If this is the case, then I think dragging it on would only make it worse.

As far as I can tell, its both. I would hate being apart from her, and at the same time I also would NEVER want to hurt her, I feel too strongly towards her for that to even be thinkable.

@Catfish: Thanks for that, but the problem is that I feel for both and don't fancy breaking up with my current girl OR not being with the new one.... Cheating clearly isn't an option, that's just wrong.

Framework wrote:
You have two lasses? Legend :) Long distance relationships are tough, especially if transport is restricted. If your feel that the relationship is too strained, talk to your distance lass and see the relationship from her perspective. If she, too, feels the same, then it's time to end the relationship. Since summer is approaching, she'll probably be inclined to date (if you want to call it that) others lads more closer to her. The fact is, juggling two lasses like a legend is bound to balls up in the end. Make your choice. Who do you feel more attracted to in terms of personality (unless you're shallow)?

Framework wrote:

You have two lasses? Legend :)

Long distance relationships are tough, especially if transport is restricted. If your feel that the relationship is too strained, talk to your distance lass and see the relationship from her perspective. If she, too, feels the same, then it's time to end the relationship. Since summer is approaching, she'll probably be inclined to date (if you want to call it that) others lads more closer to her.

The fact is, juggling two lasses like a legend is bound to balls up in the end. Make your choice. Who do you feel more attracted to in terms of personality (unless you're shallow)?

That's what I was thinking of doing, talking to her about it. I just wanted to be sure that dating locally is something I would want BEFORE I bring up the idea of breaking up to my current girl. As for who I like more, I like the distance girl more but I HATE the distance. Right now I'm essentially trying to figure out what matters more to me; being with a local girl that I love less but is local, or being with a girl I love more but who is far away. As for visiting my distance girl, we would be limited to only a few a year, nothing much.

atropos (184)

ModShop wrote:
...being with a local girl that I love less but is local, or being with a girl I love more but who is far away...

Shakespeare wrote:
Absense makes the heart grow fonder...

Do you think it's possible that the physical distance you and your girlfriend has anything to do with your greater love for her?

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Duoas (8826)

A word of advice: long distance relationships* very rarely work out. If you want to keep it, you'll need to figure out a way to get back in proximity to each other on a more permanent basis.

* I'm not referring to military personnel and fishermen here... which is usually a different thing.

closed account (zb0S216C)

You're in a trade-off situation, then? These are difficult to deal with and require careful consideration. Since you're more attracted to the distant lass, the distance between you two shouldn't be an issue. If she, too, feels distance is a lesser strain, then it's all gravy.

If your relationship with the distant lass means so much to you, show her just how much you care for her by pushing for more visits. By showing your dedication to the relationship, she'll see the distance as a mere setback, and so will you. As long as you keep in contact, it's all too possible to maintain a healthy relationship.

ModShop wrote:
"Right now I'm essentially trying to figure out what matters more to me;"

It takes two to have a relationship. Include her thoughts and feelings, too.

P.S: I hope things plan out for you.

_Wazzak

Moschops (5981)

I'm not referring to military personnel and fishermen here... which is usually a different thing.

Ah yes, when a squaddie and a trawlerman catch each other's eye, it's for keeps :p

hanst99 (2869)

On a more serious note, my last long distant relationship didn't go so well. Though that was mostly because my girlfriend cheated on me like literally in the first week she was gone. Then again, that just means she didn't take it very seriously to begin with (though we were together for 2 years before that).

Disch (12939)

You have two lasses? Legend :)

Ugh. Not something I'd be proud of... and certainly not something "legendary".

But whatever, I'm single and happy so my opinion matters naught.